your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
this just has baby written all over it
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
