hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
