Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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