Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
