my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
