i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
