still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
