he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
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