This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Randomize
