Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
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