he wants to bone in the snuggie
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
