You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Randomize
