Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
