Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
