We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Randomize
