It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
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