I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
