dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
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