why didn't you poke me back
I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
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