Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Enjoy the penises
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
