she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
