Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
