she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
