You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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