she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
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