every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
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