I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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