One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
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