Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I feel great
I just peed on a car
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Randomize
