FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
