dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize
