There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
