Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
