Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
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