a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
