Plan B is the new Plan A
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
