So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
