i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
