I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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