It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize
