NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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