It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
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