i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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