worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
