hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
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