You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Randomize
