Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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