the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
