remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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