There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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