I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
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