So is it bad that I'm using this 21 year old for his hot bod and utter naivety?
No its what 21 year olds are made for
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
