He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
